Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here. Dear Care and Feeding, I got a divorce from my husband five years ago and due to a small claims court order (that he brought on), I am forced to share custody of my BFF, a dog who is now almost 15. Since the judge ordered 50/50 custody to be exchanged locally, and the ex chose to move far away, he waived his custody unless he gave the required notice. He has been absent except for a partial week twice a year, when he comes to town. My dog has been declining in health and for the past year, I have cared for her through some challenging episodes, but she has recovered each time. Recently, she lost her appetite and has other signs she is declining quickly, and the vet and I discussed end-of-life planning and an in-home appointment so we could spend her final moments together in the garden sunshine instead of in the vet’s office after a stressful car ride.
I’m required by the court judgment for a mutual sign-off for euthanasia, but it is not defined any further. When I informed my ex what the vet and I discussed, he assumed I was inviting him to my home for her final appointment; he said it was what he signed up for when he got a dog. I moved from tearful informant to baffled disdain and shared that I couldn’t believe he expected to be there with her, as he is almost a stranger to her and will cause us both distress.
AdvertisementI offered him time to come say goodbye to her and he ignored the offer. He has since steamrolled me with emails, demanding to know when we set the date so he can make accommodations, asking why we can’t schedule for a weekend, and saying it is important for him to do this with both of us present. I am grieving, exhausted, and trying to spend quality time with my girl. I don’t know what to do or how to resolve this. —Grieving Childless Dog Lady Dear Grieving,
